They will initiate contact for different reasons, personal or not. That all depends on how your relationship ended and what brings them to the past. Whether you lived together, for how long you’ve been in the relationship, and what they feel for you now. Your ex might be melancholic, anxious, and lonely or just wants to get back with you. Anything can make an ex want to contact you. Hence, the approach that they have or the reason that they give can help you make the distinction. This period is quite confusing and an expert’s advice and help are needed. Here are 10 reasons why your ex contacts you:
1. They need reassurance
The feeling of hurt and regret are easily connected after the breakup. Depending on their attachment style, they can react differently to their feelings and their needs. At this point, your ex is dealing with the consequences of their actions and needs you as moral support. They want just you to assure them and justify their actions. Especially when the dumper contacts you after the breakup. In this case, it doesn’t mean that they are contacting you based on their pure feelings. They are also confused to some extent and can’t sort out their feelings. Usually, this happens when your ex contacts you a month or months after the breakup.
2. They still care about you
An ex that has managed to heal and reflect on their mistakes, will contact you because they care. It doesn’t mean that they might be back to you but means that they are aware of their actions. When a dumper contacts you after 3 months doesn’t always mean that they are looking to benefit from you. It all depends on their personality and how they manage to deal with their emotions. This situation might be confusing for you too but you’ll find the answer as you reflect on your relationship.
When an ex was always investing in the relationship but the breakup was needed that’s a good sign.
That doesn’t mean that they won’t forgive you or themselves or move on. In this case, they just want to check up on you. Their behavior can be quite hard to decipher and a relationship coach’s help is required.
3. They want something from you
When the breakup was bad and even when you initiated that, your ex might contact you for their good. They either want money or emotional support. What inspires them to contact you is if you broke the No Contact Rule earlier or you didn’t use it at all. If you did that then you have given your ex the chance to contact you for their interests. They will think that every time they need something, you will be there for them. It’s important to set boundaries after the breakup even though it’s sometimes hard to do it.
4. They’re jealous of you
In some cases when an ex can’t proceed with the breakup and process their feelings, they tend to hinder your healing process. They cannot accept the fact that you are doing better without them. No matter if you entered a new relationship or have been healing and moving on, it won’t matter. Because they’re stuck, they want you to feel that way too. Most of the time, an ex that was a controlling partner or a narcissist will do what they can do to ruin your healing. Seeing you nourishing from the breakup triggers your ex to contact you. They will be breadcrumbing you along the way, just to get your attention. A narcissist ex will contact you months after or after 2 years. ~They will send you text messages and try to manipulate your thoughts; ~They will like or comment on your social media; ~They will try to connect indirectly with you from other social media accounts or through your friends; Everything that they do, they just want to either gain power or just use you.
5. Your ex thinks that they can start over
Sometimes the dumper and the dumpee, both of you can think and hope that you can start over. Usually, the dumper thinks that they can pick up when they have left off. They want to see their potential and test the water if they have a second chance with you. If your ex contacts you after 3 years, they just want to see if there’s a second chance after that time. They might have had rebound relationships or they just couldn’t find better than you. Either way, if your ex just texts ‘Hi’ or just ‘Hey, how have you been?’ after 3 years, they want to fulfill their needs. This is such a long time for someone to either heal or reflect on their actions.
6. Your ex just wants to hook up
If your ex contacted you after 5 years, it means that they’re in the mood to hook up. If you have never interacted earlier before and they just text you then that means they want to benefit from you. In a few words, they want the benefits of the relationship without committing. Check out how your ex approaches you and what type of words they use with you. If they say to you like: ~Hey, I miss you. ~Lately, I have been thinking about you. ~You’re so special to me. Let’s hang out soon. All of these phrases are bait for you to reconnect with them. The reason why your ex contacts you is either a failed relationship or they miss being in a relationship.
7. They couldn’t find someone better
When an ex returns after a year, it means that they couldn’t find something better. The timeline of the breakup is quite essential here. No man or woman might realize that you were the one after a year. Indeed, after the breakup, one needs time to heal and reflect, but a year or two is a long time to make a decision. Unless the relationship was quite toxic and you still decided to get back after the breakup.
8. They want to get your trust back
When an ex contacts you after 3 months and apologizes, this means that they want you back. They want to show that they have changed, but still your ex does this step by step. Their persistence will be constant and they won’t disturb your peace. They might have been in another relationship or just healing but they decided to prove themself to you. During this time, your ex will state the reason for their comeback. They won’t play hot and cold and won’t give you the silent treatment after you reconnect.
9. Your ex can’t accept the breakup
If your ex reaches out to you after months, they might still be struggling to accept the breakup. When an ex has an anxious attachment style then they tend to be more codependent. Especially, if you initiated the breakup, they might not be able to accept this fact for months. During this time, they might contact you even during the No Contact and after it. In the period, from the breakup until now that they contact you, they will always be persistent. They might constantly text you or come to see you at work or at your place. This means that they still haven’t been able to go through the stages of the breakup. Their behavior will be obsessive and they might even lose their temper quickly.
10. They just are interested in your wellbeing
If you both broke up on good terms then they are just contacting you as a friend. Spending time with someone or having a long-term relationship can leave a mark on your life. It isn’t that easy to disconnect yourself from someone who you thought that you were going to spend your life with. If you were friends before the relationship and then the breakup was mutual, they’re going to check up on you. Your ex will contact you at certain moments, usually for holidays or just to check up on you.
Why does my ex keep contacting me and then give a silent treatment?
Your ex reached out and then went silent because they reached their goal or are indecisive. ~They might have wanted attention or to boost their ego and now they think that they got control over you. No matter if they were the dumper or the dumpee, the moment they are anxious, they will contact you. ~Despite this, your ex might have been wanting to get revenge and make you go through negative feelings. If you initiated the breakup then they want to play with your feelings too. ~On the other hand, when an ex is bored and wants to be entertained will contact you and give the silent treatment. They might have been rejected by other partners and they just need some reassurance. They need you to boost their self-confidence. ~In the end, if your ex hasn’t still gone through all the stages of the breakup, they might be confused. They might think that they still love you but when they aren’t around you might think differently. Especially, when your ex has a fearful avoidant attachment style, this can happen.
My ex is reaching out to me…
The reason your ex reaches out to you isn’t always connected to what they’re feeling toward you. Sometimes they are living in a vicious circle and when they need to fill a void, they come back to you. Unless your ex is clear about their feelings and gives you a certain reason for contacting you, you’ll be confused. I know that it is quite tempting when they text you because you need to take it slowly. If you still have feelings for your ex, reflect on the situation and ask your ex about the reason. It’s very crucial to know what they are feeling and thinking before making any move. Rember, a relationship cannot be rekindled only based on assumptions and desires. All love, Callisto Adams
