There are some pretty obvious clues that a man wants you. Sometimes, he’ll say it straight out, which is less of a sign and more of a direct come on. An erection is also a not-so-subtle sign of his sexual attraction. But can we talk about the less subtle signs you just might overlook?
Signs He Wants You Badly Sexually
Let’s be honest. If you’re really not sure if he’s into you, he probably isn’t. It’s usually pretty obvious. But let’s just make sure you aren’t ignoring any of the subtle signs that he wants you.
1. He Can’t Take His Eyes Off You
Is he constantly watching you? This is creepy if you don’t (a) know him or (b) like him, but if you’re into him, it’s actually a pretty straightforward clue that he’s attracted to you in a more-than-friends, wants-to-see-you-naked kind of way. Seriously — check and see if he’s constantly looking your way. If you’re hanging out with friends, ask them if they’ve noticed him staring at you. If you’re with him, use your peripheral vision for more than just checking him out subtly yourself. See if he’s watching you, too.
2. He Finds Reasons to Touch You
A man who’s sexually attracted to you is going to find reasons to touch you. He’ll sit close to you, find excuses to brush up against you, and generally just be as close as he can. If you’re into him, this is the perfect time to get closer without having to be obvious. After all, he’s right there making it easy for you. If you’re not into him, you’re going to be the one who needs to be clear. It won’t be enough to just keep physically moving away from him. If you don’t return his sexual attraction, you may need to tell him unequivocally that you’re not interested so that he doesn’t interpret your acceptance of his close proximity as mutual attraction.
3. He’s Quickly Responsive to Messages
You text him and don’t have to wait for a response. In fact, it’s rare for a message to go very long without one. The undeniable truth about most men is that if they want you, they’ll let you know. They won’t just leave you hanging unless they’re unsure about you. They go after what they want, so if they’re not responding, you’ve got your answer. However, if he quickly responds, he’s into you. His attentiveness to you in person and by text is a clear indicator of attraction. Or maybe he just has poor boundaries and people-pleasing tendencies. Not sure? Just ask.
4. He Compliments You Often
He notices everything about you and compliments you often. You won’t be able to wear a new outfit or change your hair without him observing the change and letting you know he likes it. He likes you. It’s why he’s constantly letting you know he admires things about you. Compliments aren’t always physical, and you might miss out on some pretty great ones if you aren’t paying attention. When you’re struggling, does he remind you how strong you are? If he’s constantly lifting you up, it’s because he really likes you. It likely follows that he wants you, too, if he’s always letting you know that he finds you attractive.
5. He Flirts with You
If he’s a big flirt anyway, this sign can be difficult to read. If he flirts with everyone, it might just be the way that he is and it means nothing. However, if he doesn’t flirt with all his friends but does flirt with you, he’s sexually attracted. He may not be direct about his feelings until he senses yours. Flirting is a great way to find out if you return that energy or brush him off. The fact that he’s flirting, on its own, isn’t a clear indicator, but if you combine it with any of these other signs, he wants you. Recommended read: Signs a Guy Really Likes You – 20 Ways to Know if He’s Into You
6. He’s Always Trying to Make You Laugh or Smile
Does he go out of his way to make you laugh or smile? He’s got it bad. If he’s constantly trying to make you happy, it’s because you make him happy. This might just make him seem like a good friend, but if you combine this with other signs, it could mean more. The desire to see you happy is also an indicator of, well, desire.
7. He Makes an Effort with His Appearance When He’s Around You
Have you noticed that he makes a little more of an effort with his appearance when he spends time with you? That’s not an accident. In fact, that’s one of the signs he wants you badly sexually. If he really cares about what he looks like when you’re around, he’s concerned with being perceived as attractive by you. He’s dressing nicer, taking time with his grooming, and he probably smells really good, too. He could be doing this to get your attention, but he likely just wants to look his best because he’s into you. And he wants you to think he’s attractive, too.
8. He Looks at Your Lips Often
Pay attention. Does he sometimes watch your lips when he’s talking? Does he lick his own while he’s doing that? It’s not always a conscious response, but it is an indicator that he’s experiencing desire — and really wants to kiss you. Watching your lips is a sign, but if you aren’t paying attention, you might not see it. Just like with any of these other signs, you get to choose what you do with them. If you’re not into him, you might want to find a way to make it clear before there’s an attempt at kissing you. If you like him just as much as he likes you, it’s a good time to test the waters or even make your move.
9. His Body Language is Turned Toward and Tuned in to You
Check out his body language. Does he turn in toward you? Does he mirror some of your movements? Does he lean in when you do? These are all indicators of attraction and sexual desire. He will be attuned to you if he wants you, and his body language will confirm it. You won’t have to wonder for long because all the signs will be there.
10. He Shows Indicators of Jealousy
One of the signs he wants you badly sexually is jealousy. Does he notice when other men find you attractive or check you out? He probably points it out. In fact, he likely notices before you do and may even watch your reaction to see what you’ll do. If he wants you in a sexual way, he’s going to get a little jealous at least when you talk about other men or your relationship history. He may even ask if you’re dating anyone to see if the field is clear for him to make a move.
11. He Leans into Kisses
If he’s kissing you, he really leans into it. He’s not just passing the time with casual kisses. His full body sinks into yours. You might find yourself backed into a wall, a door, the nearest piece of furniture, or even the closest bed because his body moves in to meet yours. The lean in is a somewhat subtle sign that he wants you. It’s not subtle if that lean gets you horizontal immediately, but it might be subtle if you’re standing and too involved to notice just how into he’s getting. While you might, ahem, feel the more obvious signs of attraction in a man, even the lean alone is an early indicator. Recommended read: Public Displays of Affection (PDA): Meaning, Dos, and Don’ts
12. His Voice Gets Deeper When He Talks to You
He’s talking to you and his voice gets deeper. It drops an octave or two. If you notice this, you should know it’s a sign of sexual attraction. Does he know that he’s trying to sound extra-sexy? Maybe not. It’s likely not a conscious action, more of a reaction to you.
13. He Smells You
Look, there’s one undisputed fact of dating. If you’re attracted, you will smell them. I don’t mean that you smell them because they smell bad. I mean, you will likely breathe them in because you’re turned on. You’ll notice the fragrance of their soap or cologne. You can attribute it to pheromones or just the love of a good male scent, but you will sniff him if you like him. He’ll do the same damn thing with you. He might even comment on the smell of your conditioner or tell you he really likes your perfume. That’s right — he smells you, too. Hygiene is always important, but this goes beyond your showering habits. If he likes the way you smell and leans into smell your hair or neck, he wants you so badly.
14. He Touches His Face Often
Do you notice he often touches his face? He may be checking out his own grooming. He’s checking if he got a clean shave or if he’s facial hair is appropriately groomed and tidy. It’s likely an unconscious gesture, but it’s one that shows that he cares about how attractive you might find him. This is one of the most subtle cues on this list. You might notice he touches his face often and not think anything of it, but it’s actually a clear indicator of attraction.
15. He Makes Plans for the Two of You to be Alone Together
This is one of the clearest signs he wants you badly sexually. Does he make plans that give you plenty of alone time together? Go ahead and assume he wants to see you naked. Unless he’s in a relationship or expresses a different sexual preference, he wouldn’t keep making sure you could be alone together if he didn’t want to make good use of that time. So, when he suggests a cozy movie night in rather than going out with a group, it may be his hint at a desire to Netflix and chill with you. Which obviously means a makeout session at minimum but hopefully sex. He’s creating the opportunity. What will you do with it?
16. He Makes Eye Contact Often
You already know that he looks at you often when he’s attracted, but does he also hold your eye contact? Although shyness and neurodivergent traits can make eye contact difficult for some men, most will show desire with frequent and intense eye contact. He’s not looking away. He doesn’t even want to look away from you. Yes, he’s into you. It’s pretty clear. If he holds your gaze, he may be trying to show his desire without coming right out and risking rejection.
17. His Banter Has a Sexual Edge
God, I love banter! Who doesn’t? Having those witty conversations that edge over into flirtation is just fun, but if you notice a sexual edge, it could be because he wants you in a sexual way. The fact that he makes sexual references at all is what we’d call a clue, but if he jokes around and involves sexual innuendo, the hint is no longer just a hint. It’s a move. Do you respond to it or ignore it? Well, it depends if you share his sexual attraction, doesn’t it?
He Wants You. What Now?
Now that you know the signs he wants you badly sexually, let’s talk about what you should do. Consent is the most important part of any sexual encounter, so at some point you’re going to need to use your words. You’ll need to make it clear if you’re a “hell yes” or “hell no” when it comes to engaging in a sexual relationship. If there’s not strong, enthusiastic consent, then it’s not consent. If you figure out that he wants you, you need to decide what you want. If you want him back, do you want to take it slow or make a move? You’re going to need to set some boundaries either way, and eventually, you’ll need some direct conversations about both of your intentions. I know it’s easier to just get naked and let everything else fall into place, but if you’re old enough to have sex, you should be old enough to talk about it. You’ll need to set your expectations and find out if you’re on the same page. Is it casual or something more? Do you define it, or are you cool with leaving it undefined? Get some clarity by talking about it. If you can’t talk about it, you’re probably not ready. If he won’t talk about it, he’s not either. Desire is easy. Adult relationships are often far more complicated. If you’ve finally absorbed all the clues that he wants you, you’ve got a choice to make. Will you make your move, or will you let the desire simmer in the land of fantasy? Recommended read: FWB Relationships: Meaning and Rules to Make It Really Work Photo by zelle duda on Unsplash
