So, you find yourself seeing this new guy for a couple of weeks, and it seems that it is not the right time yet to talk about where your relationship is headed. Your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong and you are confused. It is your intuition picking things up before you are aware of the signs. However, you are suspicious that he is seeing someone else. You just feel it. Don’t worry dear reader. Let’s check if your suspicions hold ground. Here are 20 signs that he is seeing someone else:
1. He contacts you less and less
You have gone from constant chatting online to hardly ever connecting anymore. You can sense that there has been a drop-off in communication. The responsive rate of texts and calls has fallen down the spiral and you get to speak with him less and less every day. That’s because his energy now is concentrated on another person. And what seems to be minimized with you, will be maximized with the person he’s seeing.
2. He keeps rescheduling dates
The amazing dates you used to go to and the warm and fuzzy feeling have vanished. And it is not because you are losing interest, rather it is because you don’t go out on dates as often. He always reschedules at the last minute and never makes up for it. You get the impression that he has better things to do than go on dates with you. Once you get this feeling in your stomach, it would be understandable if you suspect that he’s seeing someone else. Also, his behavior makes you believe that going out with you is more of a chore than something he enjoys.
3. He is forgetful of the things you have said
Suddenly it seems that you are a stranger to him. He doesn’t listen to you nor does he remember what you wanted him to do. Not only is he forgetful of that, but also of the dislikes that you have mentioned numerous times. He takes you out to have seafood even though you told him so many times that you hate seafood. It seems that his mind is preoccupied with something or someone else. And he doesn’t care enough to remember the things you told him. When seeing someone else his mind will be thinking of someone else too, hence the confusion of preferences of you and the other person.
4. He doesn’t put an effort into dating you
You are the one that puts most of the effort into making the relationship work. Always being the first to initiate contact because if not, you could go days without talking to each other. He never makes arrangements for your dates nor tells you that he’d like to meet up. No, rather it is you the one who arranges the dates, asks him out, does the things he likes doing, and yet that same effort is not given back. It seems that you are doing the dating and he is there to just tag along. This indifference is a tell-tale sign that he might be seeing someone else.
5. He doesn’t ask about you
As much as it is hard to accept, you have become a bit invisible to him. He doesn’t see you even though he’s right there with you. The normal conversations seem to be just fillers to avoid awkwardness. His mind seems to be filled with something or someone else. You are the one that asks him about his day and whatever that has been going on in his life, but he doesn’t seem to want to share or care about your side of the story.
6. He’s not prioritizing you at all
If you are making room for him in your life, it is also customary for him to do the same. But it seems that he refuses to do so. He doesn’t want to make adjustments in his life in order to include you. On the contrary, he leaves you with the impression that he’s trying to keep you away from it. You are not his priority when it comes to dating or spending time together. Rather, friends and fun seem to have won the top spot. There is also the possibility that he’s not making much effort in prioritizing you since there might be someone else in the picture.
7. He talks about other women with you
It seems that he doesn’t mind talking to you about other girls. Precisely, he doesn’t hesitate to put you and other women in the same sentence. If he talks of his girlfriends and especially of some that you don’t know, it is a sign that you need to further explore. It is okay to share your experiences with the other gender with each other, however, it can be confusing if he:
Checks them out in your presence
Comments their body
Compares you to them
Or even flirts with them while being with you.
8. He doesn’t seem to want to hang out with you
Not only is he distant but he’s also making excuses to not hang out with you. Every time you ask him, he already has plans. You will hear a lot of excuses such as hanging out with a guy, his work isn’t done yet. Anything and everything so that you don’t spend time together. Because this time is very likely to be reserved for another person whom he might be seeing.
9. He seems to have secrets of his own
His actions seem a bit suspicious whenever he is in the same space as you. Some of his actions are:
Hiding or tilting his phone away from you when textingLeaving the room when he receives a callActs jumpy when you suddenly get into the roomLooks around and is nervous whenever you are seen in publicHe lies when confrontedHe became less affectionate in public.
This just goes to tell you that there is something that he’s hiding from you. He wouldn’t do these things if he wasn’t scared that something might be revealed. So pay attention to your partner’s behaviors and reactions.
10. He doesn’t want a relationship right now
You were told directly that he is not considering committing to a relationship. He just wants to keep things casual and as light as possible. That is because he doesn’t want to close the window of opportunities to talk to other women that might spike his interest. Though you might be talking and keeping things at a surface level, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not seeing other women.
11. He is around other women a lot
Being surrounded by women and also giving them his attention is something you might have noticed. Most of his friends are women and he seems very close to them. It is absolutely okay to have girlfriends, however, keep an eye out for how he acts around them. Is he touchy, flirty, and pays more attention to them than you when you are together? Then something needs to be done here because you might not be the only girl he might be seeing.
12. He is gaslighting you
You are reevaluating the whole situation since he’s making you doubt your assessment. Gaslighting is a very toxic manipulation tool that it’s often used by people who don’t mean much good to you. If you confront him that he has been acting more distant from you, he’ll deny it right away and tell you that it is all in your head. You will see his comment in a post but won’t find the time to answer the text you sent hours ago. He will constantly deny anything that has to do with him while making you question yourself. Thus, he will use this technique to also manipulate you from distinguishing if he is seeing someone else or not.
13. His replies are short and rushed when texting
The texts you get back are a good indicator of how your relationship is progressing. In the beginning, you might have received long and elaborate answers. However, nowadays, you are happy to receive a reply at all. What you get are two-three short answers that don’t give enough to continue the conversation. This is because when experiencing the rush of excitement of a new connection, one tends to lose the spark with the current one, hence he doesn’t want you to keep the conversation going. Rather, he might not care that he is hurting your feelings by doing so. This can indicate that the empathy he once felt is not there and has been transferred to someone else he’s seeing.
14. His actions don’t hold intentions
The things he’s doing seem to be forced or because you expect it. He might want to set a date with you, but when you meet, he is not engaged and it seems that he doesn’t want to get to know you better. Or even if he texts you first, it seems that it doesn’t aim at anything and doesn’t have a goal. Knowing how your day went, or if your mom’s birthday party was a success doesn’t seem to bother him anymore. It seems that he just wants to keep you in the loop, while still being able to see other people.
15. He switches from his regular routine
There is an irregularity in his behavior such as eating the thing he didn’t like before or doing activities he didn’t enjoy. As much as you are hoping he had a change of heart. Do consider that he might be trying to impress someone else with these new interests of his. Especially, if he is putting the cologne that you don’t like but suddenly he doesn’t seem to mind. Although it might not seem like a big deal, you usually respect someone else’s preferences. In this case, he is, but just not yours. Rather it might be to the other person he’s seeing.
16. He seems to be displeased with you
Whatever you do seems to be wrong since he just gets angry at you. He acts mean and looks like he’s trying to put you down. If there is something that you need help with he will try to hold it over your head with his words to make you feel less than you are. He shows a bad attitude towards good behavior and an even worse attitude when you call him out on it. Even if you want to give him a hug or a kiss, he will suddenly get angry and pull away. It seems that whatever you do, doesn’t please him.
17. He doesn’t pay attention to you
You see that he is acting distanced and feel like he’s pulling away from you. He’s ignoring you. Any form of engagement that you are trying to form is met by a wall of silence. Not only he doesn’t care but also finds it bothersome to give you a reply. It doesn’t matter what you do, it will go unnoticed by him since he doesn’t care enough to pay attention to you. Even if you are going through a tough time, seeking advice, or are sick, he just doesn’t want to be involved. This is because his attention might already be on the other person he’s seeing.
18. His weekends are always planned
The weekend is that part of the week that you are free of professional matters that might keep you busy throughout the week. Thus, if there is someone you are interested in, you always give them your prime time in order to have more time together. However, once your prime time together starts to be replaced with weekend getaways with friends, or filled with activities, he won’t have left enough time for you. So even if you want to plan something for the weekend, he always says that he has made prior plans with others. And curiosity starts to kick in to know who these others might be. Is it just friends or someone else he’s seeing?
19. He doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends
Since friends play a big role in our lives, introducing them to somebody else is quite a step in the relationship. However, not only he doesn’t want to introduce you to them, but he also refuses to meet yours. This refusal tends to stem from a hesitance to strengthen the connection with you. It’s often a result of having a connection with someone else as well. His refusal might also come as fear of recognition from his friends if he was seeing someone else. And also fear that his friends might slip something they shouldn’t while talking to you.
20. Your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong
If you have this nagging feeling that something is wrong, you should probably check it out. You shouldn’t doubt your intuition. There is something that you might have picked from his behavior unconsciously. Perhaps how he’s acting towards you, or that his texting pace has changed. Your gut picks out things for a reason. Don’t let it unchecked.
How to find out if he’s seeing someone else? Let’s do it!
You have been seeing each other for some time and you and you haven’t discussed your relationship. The discussion never led to seeking answers for your exclusivity and if you want to be committed to each other. Here’s how you can find out if he’s seeing someone else:
Ask him what he’s looking for in a relationship. What are his expectations and intentions for a relationship?Let him know of your intentions. E.g. “I like being exclusive in a relationship. Though, I’m not sensing the same from you.”Talk about exclusivity in general. Ask him whether he’s into the idea of exclusivity or not.Check out his social media. A lot of people’s social media activity tells a lot about what’s going on in their dating life.Let him know of your boundaries, expectations, and intentions.
What should I do if he’s seeing someone else? Help me out!
In the early stages of seeing someone, it has become socially accepted to be seeing multiple people at the same time, it doesn’t count as cheating. In today’s time and age, seeing multiple people at the same time is acceptable when you don’t have a talk about exclusivity. So don’t be surprised about it. Here’s what you can do: Think of it as a miscommunication of intentions and expectations from the connection and try to move on. Talk it out with your therapist and friends/family as they are the greatest people to open up to. Do NOT check the other person’s social media, try to not let curiosity over and start looking up their socials: You will unconsciously start comparing yourself with them. Give yourself a break from the what-ifs. Don’t blame yourself for what it wasn’t meant to be. Have a conversation about monogamous relationships next time you meet a potential partner. Ask about their views and preferences. Knowing that the guy you like is seeing someone else is a hard pill to swallow. But it is not the end of the world either. Don’t be discouraged. There are great things waiting for you. Sincerely, Callisto
