Flirting is easy… until it isn’t. Until it goes too wrong, too awkward, or too awful. But hey! Flirting is easy! There’s a lot of exchanging, attention, tension, the chemistry involved. To understand how you flirt with a guy in person or flirt through text (which by the way you can tell if he likes you through text too), you should understand some basics first. You know the basics of not overdoing. You could be strangers, or familiar strangers (the one you see every day, but can’t talk or flirt with because you’re too shy, hello), or you could be partners(married or not, doesn’t matter), at the bar, gym, coffee shop, home, wherever & whatever; you like the guy! Soooo, how do you flirt with a guy you like? What exactly are those basics, and is there more behind those basics? Let’s f*cking learn flirting!!
A few things on flirting
What is flirting? “Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person or if done playfully, for amusement.” Wikipedia Why do we flirt? We flirt for various reasons, some of which include: Creating a connection, sex, validation, refreshing the relationship, getting something other than sex or connection from the person (like getting them to buy something). You can read further on this on PsychologyToday. What’s the secret to a good flirt? To a flirt in which laughter is not exaggerated, and one is not sticking her body to the other? That’s an easy one! Be confident, original, and just slightly obvious about the fact that you’re attracted to the person. Oh, and don’t overdo sh*t, definitely don’t overdo laughter, nor compliments, nor gaze (overdone gaze, creepy). Flirting with an introvert Go with the flow, and take it easy. Set your expectations low that you’re gonna sleep with them that night. Be polite, and pay attention when you’re about to ‘invade’ their personal space by touching them, or getting close to them. Be polite, and express attraction sincerely. How do you flirt with a guy without being obvious? It depends on what you call obvious. If with ‘obvious’ we refer to the exaggerated laughter, and twirling hair like it’s a matter of life or death, then learning how to flirt with a guy without being obvious it’s exactly what I’m going to show you in the article! Now back to answering the ‘How do I subtly flirt with a guy?’ or ‘How to flirt with a guy?’:
1. First, you shine that confidence!
Whether he’s your boyfriend, your husband, or a stranger, to nail the flirting game with him you gotta shine confidence. In short, before you learn how to flirt with a guy in person (or however else you might flirt with him), you have to learn confidence. The light of confidence it’s very bright, it’s not sharp, it’s smooth and alluring. Different from the ‘light’ of arrogance, which gets eyes to hurt. My point? Be confident, not arrogant – there’s a huge difference between the two. Wear something you feel comfortable in, take care of your hair in a way you feel comfortable in, do whatever makes you feel comfortable with your looks. Keep in mind that you must be comfortable with what you are, to be comfortable & confident with how you look. You must flirt with confidence, and with a sense of joy. You’re doing it because it makes you feel good, not because you have to achieve something, or reach a goal of some sort.
What would go more naturally with your personality?
There’s got to be something! It’s about the effortlessness, the flow, the enjoyment of flirting. So don’t think about it too much, just embrace the realness, the authenticity of your personality, and just go with that.
2. Smooth, not forced, babygirl…
Embrace your feminine energy, let it be smooth, flowy, cheerful, sexy. It can’t be that way if it is forced, so take it easy. If you feel like you’ve got no idea what you’re doing, it’s simple: don’t do it.
Get rid of the pressure or need to impress him
Don’t look for ways to impress him, look to enjoy the moment with him. If your focus is on ‘how do I impress him’ rather than ‘how do I have a good time with this guy’ you’re most probably going to do it wrong. Understand how much you like him and stick to that. When you’re talking, look at him and admire him, not get all crazy about it. But like-like him and it’ll start flowing out of you. Letting go of the ‘I need to impress him’ mindset will set you free of the pressure, and you’ll be flowing, smooth, jolly, and confident. Seriously!
3. Hold the gaze a little, not too much for it to turn creepy
There are three wrong things you can do when flirting through eye contact from a distance:
- Make eye contact for a very short time and not look at him again, waiting for him to take that as a hint that you like him. News! He’s not gonna take that as a hint. Seriously, that’s absurd.
- Stare at him for very long, until he looks away, and when he looks back again, you’re still staring. No, please.
- Attract someone else that you had no intention of attracting. Like his guy friend or a guy that was closer in distance but you had no idea he was in front of you, because, hello? Your eyes were on the irresistible. You don’t want to look too little, nor too much – this is supposed to be playful and inviting, so find a balance, and stick to that. Make eye contact, hold it there for a while, and look away. If he likes you, even secretly, he won’t help but look back at you. Then make eye contact again, hold it there for a while, and look away. Keep it going about 3 times or so, and then pause for a pretty long time. Eventually one of you will approach the other.
4. Smile your smile and glow
When gazing at one another, smile at him. Whether you’re at a distance or close. Smile now and then. A smile is inviting, it’s letting him know that you’re approachable. Plus, you glow more. Shine that light, woman! When it comes to smiling, you want it to be natural, but not very ‘I’m about to friendzone the sh*t out of you’. You can go for a mouth-closed smile, or show your teeth a little, why not. You can even mouth the word hi, if he’s in a distance, and you haven’t talked before. Smiling is gonna get him on his knees, trust me! (not a marriage proposal, just out of awe and pleasure of seeing you, jeez)
5. Use that damn fine hair, girl!
The more we get into this, the more the potential for it to go wrong. You either do it right, or f*ck it all up, so hear me out. Play with your hair, flip them a little, and DON’T overdoes it a thousand times. Flip them out of your arm, gently; Two or three times, he’ll get the point. Flipping your hair, or gently pulling them back, will show your neck, which is a good thing, because his attention will go there, and we know very well where his mind can go. Or, just touching your hair a little, not twirl them like crazy. Gently, and smooth is what we’re going for.
6. Start the conversation the right way
Whichever of you started the conversation, you be positive, ok? Not too over the top, like melting out of joy; the fangirl positivity. Just positive, smiling, expressing excitement, yet being put together. So put together and inviting. You can start with a joke to break the ice a little or drop a little challenge to start the conversation. Let it start smiley and joyful. Let’s say he likes you, but is scared of rejection and you decide to be the one starting the conversation. Before you go on with your right or left arm slightly up, smiling, saying hi, think of what could happen after the hi. How’d you like the conversation to start? This question applies especially if you’re trying to figure out how to flirt with a guy customer. An old trick is to bump into him ‘accidentally’, and throw at him something like “I’m glad I bumped into you, you’re handsome.” Or, tell him “How dare you to dress this well, it’s no fair game for all these men around!” with a lovely smile on, yet holding yourself nicely. If you get a negative response, keep your smile on, and move on. There’s nothing wrong with it.
Questions. Questions are important, ladies.
Avoid questions that require yes/no answers, you want to build conversation, not make him answer a questionnaire for a poll or something. Make them enjoyable, so that it leads to a fun conversation. You can even add a challenging tone to it, like: “Are you an architect?”. Or a ‘surprised’ tone “Oh, do you do that for a living?” with a sense of admiration, you know. Make him talk about himself, or topics you’re both interested in.
JESSICA, HE CAN HEAR YOU… JESUS!
Instead of screaming, or yelling, you want to tone it down a little. I understand the excitement, but come on! Use your voice to express emotion, excitement, curiosity, but don’t yell it out, simply express it. If you’re in a quiet place, you can lower your voice a little, so he leans in ‘to hear you better’ and gets closer to you. Build temptation.
Listen to understand more about him, don’t think of what you’re going to say next
Listen to him, and don’t interrupt while he’s talking. If you constantly interrupt him while he’s talking to you, you’ll seem like you’re only listening to respond. Let him make a point. To add a bit of spice and fun to it, slowly move your gaze from his eyes to his lips, and I mean slowly, like real SLOW and smooth. You might not need to interrupt him at all, he might just run out of words pretty soon (in the good sense). Enjoy!
Say his name
“Ben, I think this/that”, “I see, that’s an interesting point of view, Ben”, it’ll make Ben feel special, and he’ll be getting that from being in your presence. He’ll relate that feeling special to your presence, hence he’ll want to stay longer. It’s fun for you too, otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend it. If saying his name feels like a burden to you, don’t do it, sister.
7. Keep an open body language
When it comes to flirting with him without being obvious, at least without words, body language can come in pretty handy. To better understand how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, especially through body language, you should understand that you should keep an open body language. An open body language is inviting, you don’t have things ‘blocking’ your body from his. Your arms are not crossed, you mirror his body from time to time, your body is directed towards his, and you’re having a good time! If you’re enjoying it, your body will show it too. So don’t worry much about it. Once you feel comfortable you’ll be smiling naturally, your body language will be open and inviting nature. If you’re not feeling comfortable in his presence, or the thought of him approaching you, your body will give off the signs, and he will get them.
8. Be playful
We already understood that being playful is key. Don’t let the goal of your conversation be attracting him, exchanging whatever information between you two. Let the goal be to have fun while doing these. You’re two people being attracted to one another, you can make it fun and playful! Don’t censor yourself, if you’re genuinely having fun, the playfulness will flow naturally (well, unless you censor it for whatever reason). You can be kind, thankful, polite even, while being playful, teasing, and not taking things too seriously. With that child-like curiosity and child-like approach here and there, it’ll get things flowing pretty well.
Use your sense of humor
If you’re funny, and people laugh at your jokes, then hit the man with them. I mean figuratively hit the man with your jokes. Don’t overdo it and don’t make it all about jokes without showing sexual interest, because next thing you know you’re calling each other ‘dude’ and ‘pal’, and it’s not going anywhere beyond platonic.
9. Don’t exaggerate with the laughter for god’s sake!
If you are giggling, instead of staring and laughing historically at even his lame jokes, it’ll be a story of success in the world of flirting. I’m not saying to not laugh, nor hold your laughter when you feel like laughing. What I’m saying is to not laugh when you don’t feel like laughing, or laugh more than you feel like laughing. You giggle, you laugh, you smile, when you feel like it. It’s seducing, believe it or not. But the forced ones are far from seducing. Avoid them, woman!
10. The drink ain’t gonna drink itself, isn’t it?
Take a sip sister! A good sexy sip, like it’s holy water, not orange juice or cocktail. It’s going to make it about your lips, it’s about him thinking what you can do with them (kissing and that), it’s about the attention to go there.
His attention will be wherever you draw it to, so decide where you want to lead him
Find a way of seduction that feels natural to you, your way of communicating. You want him to look at your neck, touch your neck or put your hair back so he can see your neck. If you want him to look at your lips, take a sip of your drink, or innocently bite/lick your lip. A lot of it it’s up to you.
11. Test the waters, don’t splash them
At some point, you two will get closer, but not exactly in touch. Now, as you may have heard/read/seen, touching is an important part of flirting. To see if touching is okay with him, you have to test the waters first. You don’t want to touch him right away, that’s splashing the waters. Lean in a little, and see if he pulls back or not. If he pulls back, it means he’s not ready for the touch yet. If he likes you, he’ll be okay with it. Or just get a little closer, and again, if he pulls back he’s not ready for your touch yet. Hold it a bit more, won’t you? The point is, to not invade his personal space without both of you being comfortable about it. You want to both be ok with it when you both invade each other’s spaces. So, test the waters first, don’t splash them.
Touch, not punch, please?
When you get the signal that it’s ok to touch him, you better stay away from punching him. Lightly touch his knee or arm. Or hit him with “Here, let me get that for you…” and ‘fix’ some invisible thing that needs to be fixed on his shirt, or cheek, or hair. You want to be careful when touching though. His knee is not his inner thigh, his arm is not his neck or face. Don’t touch too close to sensitive areas (including his SENSITIVE areas). A gentle light touch when he makes you laugh, or when you’re surprised by something he told you, or when you look at him while smiling while you’re telling him something sweet, will do the work. Will do the work, will do.
12. Building tension & chemistry
That tension is keeping him wanting more, keeping a few things to yourself, having a bit of mystery, yet being playful and open. It’s so many f*cking things to do at once, I know. It’s not as difficult though. Hear me out: you touch him, you laugh, you’re playful, right? Right, now you don’t do that all-ALL the time. You give him room to respond to your behavior, you pull back sometimes. That’ll build a little tension, and help on building chemistry too. See, what you’re doing is, getting close, and closer, and then pulling back a little. Back-and-forth-ing is what you’re doing. If the environment is appropriate for dancing, dance. Get all touchy, and eye contact-y, and well, flirty.
Tease with ease, don’t scare him off
You want to let the conversation flow and add a spice here and there. By spice, I mean take a little risk to tease him. Teasing him the right way will drive him insane (In the good sense, people! In a good sense.). Whether it is a challenge that you ‘present’ to him, or make fun of a lame joke he made, or even a lame pick-up line, hell, make fun of his shoes a little. You can question something he says very confidently, let him know you’re purposely teasing him, but not exactly. Ya know what I’m sayain? What you also want to be doing, is to be careful what you tease him for, and the way you tease him, the way you put it into words. It’d be a turn-off if you’d tease him on something he already seems to be insecure about. Make it funny, and friendly, not a negative critique but funny friendly teasing. Example: He’s a killer when it comes to basketball, he’s a pro. You can say something like: “Oh, I bet you’re not better than me!” Or, if he makes a lame joke: “Oh finally! A lame joke, for a second I thought you were perfect, thank god you’re not!” Say it with a smile, don’t make him feel embarrassed.
13. Compliments – Detailed, specific, genuine compliments, we’re talking about
If you find something about him to be beautiful, go ahead and tell him. Be specific. Try to compliment something he has control over, rather than something he was born with. You know, a compliment acknowledging something they seem to be good at/worked hard on, rather than something they were born with. If he has pretty eyes, he most probably heard it hundreds of times. Look for more than those. If you like his shirt, tell him. Example: “Do you always dress this good? It’s unfair to the other guys!” Find something special to them that not everyone might have noticed. Let your compliments be sincere, and not overdone.
14. Don’t make it way too sexual
Flirting is fun and all until you make it too obvious that you want to sleep with him, or that he can nail you tonight at any time he pleases to. Let’s not do that, shall we? I talked earlier about mystery and tension. Of course, it’ll be sexual, it’ll have sexual spices throughout the conversation: You’re indirectly presenting the idea of sex, then letting him know that he ain’t gon’ get it tonight. It’s that uncertainty on whether he’s going to get any, or not; on whether you’re easy to get, or not; it’s that tension. You both enjoy it, it’s a little play, a little fun, a little sexy. If you’re not naturally ‘slutty’, then don’t do it is.
15. About the ending…
Flirting is some sort of a game, of art, of a play. There has to be lingering and wanting more by the end of it. So, don’t hang around too much. Give him a little taste of how sweet, sexy, funny you can be and leave. It’ll be just enough for you to leave him wondering more about you and to want more of what you gave. Play it right, won’t ya?
How to flirt with your husband/boyfriend
At some point, it’s difficult to know how to flirt with your boyfriend/husband because you get pretty familiar with him, and it just feels weird doing the things you’d do with him while you were strangers. Well, that’s a crap excuse to not flirt with your husband or boyfriend, or both (I’m a simple woman, I see the chance to make an inappropriate joke, I make it. Not an apology.)!
EXTRA! Flirting phrases you can use – Examples
It’s all fun and games until your face to face with him, and now have to start flirting. Being flirty with words and during a conversation is just as important as being flirty through a distance. So, what are some flirty things to say to a guy? No, seriously, what’s a good flirting sentence for a woman or a girl? I made a few questions to my fellow guy friends, colleagues, and anyone I could ask really. I came up with a few good things for how to flirt with a guy, which I’ll explain through examples: “That shirt is making it unfair for the rest of the guys in this room/bar/place.” Say that while gazing at him, with a smile on your face. Is he an ice cream? Because I see him melting. “You… You’re funny AND handsome. What’s the catch?” It’s the “You’re too good to be true” but said in a less cheesy way. It’s one of the good flirt phrases for him. “You… There’s something about you…” This said with a little smirk on your face, will make him wonder. If he insists on getting the answer, you can simply say “I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re different.” “I see you’re not just smart, you’re funny too. Thank god you’re from [city] otherwise you’d be perfect!” You’re confident, and you’re telling him something you like about him without a doubt. That’s sexy! “I didn’t expect you to turn out so interesting. Are you sure you’re from England?” It’ll make room for the conversation to keep going. You’re letting him know you find him interesting, but you’re also leaving room to ask a question (Which I’m sure he will, hi fragile ego!). “You’re even more handsome from up close. You’re that one guy in the friend group aren’t you?” Again, confident, unapologetically about the fact that you find him attractive. “Tell me something interesting about you… Something that’s going to blow my mind… [let’s say he’s from Las Vegas] save the gambling for later.” When you say “about you” gently touch his arm, and tilt your head a little. It’s gonna put a bit of pressure on him, but he’ll survive. It helps with tension building. He’ll think of things to impress you, and will surely come up with something you’ll talk about long enough to keep the conversation going. “You proved me wrong on something…” He says what, what is it? You continue: “I thought I’d never see a well-dressed man that’d impress me.” Wait until he asks what it is that he proved you wrong on. It’ll make him wonder, and it might just leave him a bit confused for a while; again TENSION! Then you relieve it by giving him a nice, decent, solid compliment. Feel free to either mess it all up or follow my instructions. It can only go two ways, right? Perfectly fine and smooth, or catastrophically awful.
When not to flirt, or when to stop flirting?
Well, his body language will tell if he likes you or not, besides his body language, he might tell you straightforwardly. – If he pulls back when you touch him, don’t touch him. We’re not flirting with this guy, not today. – If he doesn’t laugh at anything funny you say, we’re not flirting with this guy either, not today. – If he doesn’t respond well to your sexy approach. We’re not doing this with this guy. No. On the other hand, there are also cases where flirting is not the best idea for you: – If you’re not feeling like flirting. – If you’re faking it, and not enjoying a bit of it. – If you catch yourself overdoing the jokes, the laughter, the compliments: stop. – If you’re not feeling yourself, not feeling safe, or feeling forced to do it. Flirting is supposed to be fun for both involved – If one of you isn’t feeling it, then it shouldn’t be happening in the first place.
So, what about him? Is he flirting with you too?
He is if he reciprocates, or even initiates the flirting. Now being more specific on how men flirt: Some of the flirting signs men give are: he looks at you pretty often and pretty long; He smiles at you or smiles back when you smile at him. Oh my god, he’s so enchanting! He touches you/touches you back, gently. I’m not saying he touches your boobies, I’m saying he touches your arm lightly or picks up that thing in your hair (which, by the way, is non-existent) as an excuse to touch your hair. So yes. He’ll be doing the eye contact, the smiling, the jokes, the touching, the compliments, the laughter; he’ll be doing all of it.
To wrap it all up…
Gosh, I can’t stress it enough: This could either go perfectly fine and smooth, or catastrophically awful/awkward. Yours, Callisto
