As you get to know him better, you begin to recognize the body language of a womanizer – he may stand a little too close to other women for your comfort, not refrain from accidental touches, and gives out an “open and available” vibe through his gestures and demeanor. And if you are married to one, the traits of a womanizer husband will be too apparent to you. For instance, he may always try to make eye contact with that pretty girl sitting at the next table at the café or even tell you how the girl is trying to get his attention. Owing to his behavior patterns, being in a relationship with a womanizer can become emotionally taxing and leave you riddled with insecurities. If you suspect that your partner just cannot stop himself from feeling drawn to other women, understanding the psychology behind a womanizer and reading the signs of his behavior patterns can help you figure out how best to navigate this hurtful situation. In this article, relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa (internationally certified in the therapeutic modalities of EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), who specializes in different forms of couples counseling, writes about the different aspects of a womanizer’s personality to help you identify one and understand how to cope if you’re already in a relationship with such a man.
Who Is A Womanizer?
Do you find yourself in a situation where you can’t shake off the thought that a man is using you for convenience? And does that mean you are dating a womanizer? To find answers to these questions, you first need to understand who is a womanizer. Simply put, a womanizer is a person who has multiple relationships or sexual encounters with different women regularly. While there is nothing wrong with a single person having or wanting multiple partners, the trouble with womanizers is that they give out the impression of wanting a serious, monogamous relationship and keep their multiple romantic or sexual connections under wraps. This is markedly different from the practice of polyamory or even an open relationship, where everyone involved is aware and accepting of the dynamics. A womanizer, on the other hand, lacks compassion toward the feelings of his partners and has no qualms in going about with his deceitful ways with little or no concern to how it may affect his partner/s if and when the truth comes out. Such a man may be able to comfortably mimic the signs of a womanizer who’s falling in love, giving you the impression that he wants a meaningful, long-term relationship but, in reality, he seeks to be with as many women as possible. Whether it’s for sex or attention, a womanizer thrives on having multiple women in his life at any given point. Naturally then, if you’re dating a womanizer or are in a serious relationship with one, cheating can become a regular feature in your dynamic. A womanizer’s behavior upon being caught cheating can be truly appalling. You may notice that he has no real remorse or regret about his actions. That’s when his lack of empathy and compassion become truly apparent, and you may begin to come to grips with the “my boyfriend is a womanizer” realization.
Common Tactics Of A Womanizer
Tabby Brown, a 29-year-old fashion designer based in Houston, was deeply in love with 35-year-old Joe Uzeli, a charming businessman from the suburbs. There were enough relationship red flags to caution her but she was too blinded by her feelings and his charming and seductive ways to see them for what they were. Even after having caught him cheating on her numerous times, she failed to understand that she was hopelessly in love with a womanizer. Joe was in every way a charmer, a player who could woo any woman, old or young in a matter of a few hours. She would see him flirting openly with her friends and colleagues, and end up hurt and embarrassed. Joe would cool her down, whispering sweet nothings to her until she gave in. At times he would accuse her of being suspicious, possessive or jealous, leaving her doubting herself. It took a long time for Tabby to admit to herself, “My boyfriend is a womanizer”. She learned the hard way that it’s not easy to deal with a womanizer man. If only she knew that Joe was using textbook tactics of a womanizer to have his way without losing Tabby, she could have saved herself a world of pain and heartbreak. If you find this situation relatable and suspect that a man is using you for convenience, pay attention to these common womanizer tactics to avoid falling in his trap of using smooth talk and seduction to blind you to reality:
He uses looks, status, and/or wealth to attract women He throws you off his scent by flattering you with compliments and romantic gestures He avoids making you a part of his inner circle for as long as possible He projects himself as a private person so that he can keep his shenanigans under wraps He keeps you at an arm’s distance He blows hot and cold for no apparent reason He leaves you feeling confused about where you stand with him He chases you relentlessly at first, and then leaves you to put in all the effort in the relationship He can charm his way out or into any situation He sweeps you (and many others) off your feet at the most unexpected moments to keep you hooked on to him
How Do You Know You Are With A Womanizer?
You are in a relationship with a guy, and you fight about almost the same issue every time: that he always seems interested in other women, you have an inkling that he is cheating and he makes no bones about it either. He has zero guilt. He behaves like an alpha male who thinks he can get away with anything. You are totally clueless about what to do and why the man who charmed you is now behaving like this. If you relate to these traits, you don’t even need to bother asking what is a womanizer. We hate to be the ones to break it to you, you seem to be in a relationship with one. Understanding him may help you to deal with the situation better, ease your pain, and maybe even figure out how to mess with a womanizer. In case you’re still not sure whether you’re dating a womanizer, we ask you to take a moment to think about the three most important components of a successful relationship. Do you agree that trust, love and respect are the cornerstones of any successful relationship? Now tell us, do you see these elements in your relationship? If you find yourself hesitating to answer or sadly saying no, you can count it as one of the telling indicators that you are in a relationship with a womanizer. If your partner or husband is a womanizer, you would always struggle to trust him and it’s not uncommon that he could turn out to be a serial cheater. How to deal with a womanizer husband or partner? This question may loom large over your relationship because from fights to threats of leaving to cajoling, nothing seems to help in getting him to break this unhealthy pattern. The underlying reason behind it all is the psychology behind a womanizer – he is constantly drawn to and chases other women despite being in a relationship not because he has an insatiable drive for sex but because the chase and the thrill of winning over yet another woman make him feel powerful. He thrives on women revering him or fawning over him. At the heart of his behavior is an unhealthy need for power play, and that is also the biggest womanizer weakness. This may give you a clear idea about whether or not your partner or spouse is a womanizer but that knowledge alone won’t yield any results in making your relationship healthy and more secure. Besides, if you think you can change your ‘player’ with love and care, it could be years before you see any real results if at all. Only if you have the patience of a dove and a never say die attitude should you pin your hopes on making a relationship with a womanizer work. But pause and think, is it really worth the effort? Should you be wasting your time, energies and emotions in figuring out how to deal with a womanizer husband or partner?
Womanizers and Casanovas: Are they the same?
Now that you have some clarity on who or what is a womanizer, let’s address another common gray area: is a womanizer a Casanova or is a Casanova a womanizer? While these two terms are often used interchangeably, they hardly mean the same thing. Yes, a Casanova is also flirtatious, charming, and sauvé, but his intentions are far less damaging.
A womanizer feels that it is his birthright to abuse women emotionally and exploit them sexually, while a Casanova adores women and a sexual relationship with them. In a womanizer’s life, there is no place for women’s feelings as he considers himself superior to them. He doesn’t shy away from resorting to romantic manipulation if that’s what it takes for him to get into a woman’s pants.
A Casanova is in touch with the women’s feelings and genuinely wants to please them, albeit differently. The only thing common between them is that both of them are associated with multiple women at a time. So, no, a womanizer and a Casanova are not the same. Although they both do mimic some similar problematic patterns.
5 Signs You In A Relationship With A Womanizer
It is not easy to come to the “my partner/my boyfriend is a womanizer” realization. Even if you see red flags in his behavior, it can be difficult to understand what these point to and the impact they can have on your relationship as well as your emotional well-being. The fact that womanizers are known to have their way with women and have mastered the art of swaying them with their charm can make putting a finger on exactly what’s amiss in your relationship.
The moment you begin to realize that you’re dating a womanizer, your man may go above and beyond to sweep you off your feet again. With his charisma and his charm, he can make you doubt your own instincts. He may even begin to exhibit the signs of a womanizer who’s falling in love to reassure you for the time being. Rest assured, he will fall into his old patterns sooner or later.
All of this can make it hard to identify womanizer tactics and call your partner out for his problematic behavior. However, some character traits can help you to identify if your guy is a womanizer. If your husband or boyfriend is a womanizer, then they would surely show these signs:
1. He knows his way around women
One of the hallmarks of a womanizer is that he knows his way around women. And not just a specific type, he knows how to get through to all women and leave a lasting impression on them. His manners are impeccable. He will hold doors open and pull out chairs for any woman. He knows exactly how to make a woman comfortable around him. Even if it requires him to mold his behavior depending upon the kind of woman he’s with, he’ll do it with the ease of a natural. For instance, if he is trying to woo someone who is introverted, he might even try to show he is a bit shy around women to win her confidence. Likewise, with an outgoing and independent woman, he can portray himself to be the life of a party. That’s the reason women get pulled to him like a magnet. He exudes a warm and relatable vibe. If you’ve been wondering whether or not you’re dating a womanizer, start paying attention to how he conducts himself around women.
2. He is charming in his appearance and ways
One of the most common womanizer tactics is to dress to impress. He wants to make heads turn and make women take notice. Be it for a casual outing or for work, he always takes care to wear the right clothes. Needless to say, he is well-groomed, fashionable, smells great and his shoes can serve as a mirror. The one thing you’ll never see a womanizer do is be sloppy in his appearance. He is not the one to wear a wrinkled linen shirt or step out in his boxer shorts, even if it is to pick up the trash can from the front yard. He has spent so long being on the prowl – which, of course, requires him to look his best – that this impeccable sense of style and incredibly high self-grooming standards have become second nature to him. One of the clearest signs that you’re in a relationship with a womanizer is that he hogs the mirror more than you do and takes longer to get ready to step out of the house each morning.
3. He’s good at seducing a variety of women
He’s always in search of new women to satisfy his sexual needs. He stares at every passing woman and fantasizes about them. He has superb communication skills and the ability to woo them all. If that sounds a lot like your partner, your concerns that a man is using you for convenience may not be ill-founded as he has led you to believe. Whether it’s a 50-year-old lady or a teenage PYT, he would have their attention instantly. He doesn’t need to try too hard. Your womanizer husband/partner loves flirting and cannot give up this behavior even when you are around. Maggie realized she had married a man who was not just unfaithful to her but a characteristic womanizer when she found him flirting with their daughter’s friend. “He had cheated in the past but I had forgiven him for the sake of the children. When I saw him flirting with a 14-year-old girl in our own house, it became clear to him that his hunger for attention knew no bounds. I don’t know how to deal with a womanizer husband who won’t even stop himself from making a pass at a girl his daughter’s age. I stayed in the marriage for the kid’s sake, and now I’m considering walking out for their sake,” she says.
4. His male ego is high
He wears his ego on his sleeves and the attention he gets from women pampers the ego considerably. In fact, the entire psychology behind a womanizer boils down to this need to get his ego massaged. And he is never happy with attention only from you. He wants to be surrounded by newer women to boost his ego even higher. If a woman is not giving him the attention he wants, he gets extremely upset and uses every trick in his kitty to get it. If he is still not successful, he will badmouth her. Among the classic signs of a womanizer is his complete lack of respect for women. That’s because he objectifies them to such an extent that he is unable to see and treat them as fellow human beings.
5. He’s good at emotional manipulation
It’s so hard to deal with a womanizer man because he has his ways to make you question your own judgment and sanity. Even if you tell him that you recognize his womanizing traits or that you have come to know about his reputation around women, he would use his smooth-talking, manipulative, and gaslighting ways to convince you that “it’s all in your head” and make you feel bad about doubting him.
But the very next day he would check out that girl at the supermarket and flirt with her by striking up a conversation. He would tell you it was just innocuous talk and you are being too sensitive. Being in a relationship with a womanizer means living with an unshakable sense of insecurity at all times, and having your feelings invalidated over and over again.
How To Deal With A Womanizer?
At the risk of sounding blunt, it is safe to say that a womanizer will not and cannot change, mainly because he feels no remorse or regret over his actions. According to his mindset, whatever he is doing is valid. That’s just how the psychology behind a womanizer works. On the contrary, it is you who’d have to change and decide whether to walk away or to put up with these womanizing qualities of your beloved. A womanizer husband or boyfriend can be terrible for your self-esteem and make you feel guilty and ashamed all the time. Once you know the womanizing traits of your husband or boyfriend, you will know that there would be no change from their side. If you choose to stay in a relationship with a womanizer, then you will have to develop your own coping mechanism. Here is how to deal with a womanizer husband or partner without losing yourself:
1. Have no expectations
The fact that you have chosen to stay in a relationship where you’re neither prioritized nor loved indicates that you have your compulsion to put up with your partner’s philandering ways. At the same time, it is important that you learn to protect yourself when you deal with a womanizer man. We have always been told that expectations hurt. So the first and foremost rule is to keep your expectations in a relationship at bay. The more you expect him to be loyal to you, to love you, the more you will feel dejected by his actions. Help him get better, but do not expect anything in return. A relationship with a womanizer won’t transform into a fulfilling, wholesome partnership ever. The only way for you to cope with that fact is to not be in denial about the reality of your situation.
2. Deal head on with embarrassing situations
Jane, a marketing professional, was dating a coworker. As their relationship took a turn toward the serious, committed territory, he started displaying classic signs of a womanizer. Soon after the two had moved in together, Jane found her boyfriend canoodling with another coworker by the water cooler. Hurt and dejected, she sobbed silently in her cubicle. “How could he do this to me? Do womanizers have feelings? How can he cozy up to another woman when I’m sitting in the next room?” Her thoughts were racing, but then, a voice inside her told her not to take this behavior lying down. She walked up to his desk and confronted him, not caring about the drama unfolding in the workplace. Like Jane, if you too find your partner staring at other women or cheating on you with another woman, immediately confront him. You need to know how to mess with a womanizer and rattle him up so that his philandering ways do not get out of hand. Let him know that this is not acceptable under any circumstances. Yes, there will be fights and arguments over this but at least he would know you are not going to take his behavior lying down.
3. Give the womanizer the silent treatment
As we discussed earlier, womanizers tend to have a big ego and it hurts them brutally, if a woman, especially and exclusively their own woman, ignores them. If you are hurt by his behavior, just go use the silent treatment to your benefit and express your discomfort. You will instantly recognize a change in his behavior and he will try and not leave any stone unturned to make you happy. This is one of the best ways of messing with a womanizer. Besides, the confrontations over his coquet behavior may get too tiresome and seem futile after a while. What’s the point of having the same fight over and over if he’s not going to change? You have to, eventually, learn how to deal with a womanizer husband or partner without letting him mess with your mind. Silence is your most potent weapon in achieving that.
4. Give him a taste of his own ways
No, we’re not suggesting that you start mimicking his unhealthy behavior patterns just to get even with him. Apart from the cheating and lack of loyalty, a relationship with a womanizer can also be emotionally unfulfilling and lonely. So, give him a taste of his own medicine by making him feel the same way. Since you’ve already freed yourself from relationship expectations, it’s time to chart your own journey by following your passions and interests. Focus on building a rewarding life for yourself so that your happiness won’t depend on him and how he treats you. Your doing so will make him realize what being isolated in a relationship feels like. Analyze his behavior after this and only then decide your future course of action; whether to break up or stay on.
5. Seek professional help
If your man has fallen too deep into the womanizing pattern, you may find it necessary to seek professional help. Psychologists believe that womanizing is a form of addiction and needs to be acknowledged and treated as such. A womanizer is the only one who can help himself. Your womanizing husband or partner has to want to change in order to successfully give up his womanizing ways. That being said, being in a relationship with a womanizer is bound to take a toll on your mental health and wellbeing as well. While you cannot force your partner to get help if he’s not ready for it, consider getting help yourself to deal with the trauma, trust issues, and insecurities stemming from being in a relationship with a womanizer. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
The final decision: Should you leave your womanizing partner?
The ultimate decision on whether to leave or separate from a womanizing boyfriend/husband rests with you. If you feel that you will be contented and happy alone or with a more loving partner, you should explore the option of moving out. However, if you want to give your relationship another try, your best bet would be to seek professional help. Being with a womanizer partner may seem like a heavy cross to bear. However, recovery is still possible with adequate time, love and commitment. If you are hopelessly in love with a womanizer, you may want to try your best to salvage the relationship. Finally, the rewards of recovery are worth the effort, since it not only makes your boyfriend/husband an improved partner and an even better person, but it also gives your relationship a fresh lease of life.
